Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

If you were born sometime during or after the 1950s, we had a preconceived notion that retirement and our “golden years” would look something like this. We would live with our husband or wife to whom we had been happily married for many years, have at least a couple of well-adjusted and successful children who would provide us with adorable grandchildren that we would see often and who would call us endearing names like Mimi and Poppy. We would still be in our much loved, well-maintained, and beautiful home we had enjoyed for years. We would have a close-knit group of friends that had spanned the years with us. Vacations to exciting places we had often dreamed of visiting would happen regularly. Life truly would be golden, and we would bask in its light, happy and secure.

Boy oh boy, did we have stars in our eyes or what? To say that we were just a mite unprepared for these years is an understatement. Oh yes, there are couples as previously described – just look at Facebook or Instagram – we see that they are living the quintessential dream life. Reality check – they don’t post the bad parts.

This missive is not to go on ad nauseum about the pitfalls of life that may not be that golden. We all know what they are. Your spouse dies and you learn to live alone. Your home has so many things going wrong you often think of the movie Money Pit. It was not in God’s plan to give you children – or worse, your children either aren’t speaking to you or make your life miserable. The grandchildren look at you rather as a curiosity other than someone to learn from. Friends have moved or worse, up and died on you. The thought of the work and preparation for a vacation seems insurmountable. Or vacations are worked in between doctor’s appointments. Yikes! What happened?

Life – just plain ole life – with its ups and downs. So how do you navigate this good ole life with a measure of equanimity? I love this word. Equanimity is derived from the Latin word aequanimitas combining aequus (meaning level or equal) and animus (meaning soul or mind) – equanimity literally translates to having an “even mind.” It does not mean being emotionally void or uncaring; rather, it represents the ability to observe and accept reality without immediately reacting to it with overwhelming distress.

That brings us to our title – waiting for the other shoe to drop – because surely as you are reading this, the other shoe is going to drop. Bad report from the doctor, ceiling is leaking in the bedroom, one of the kids got laid off, you know the drill. Or just little things – your elbow is making a funny noise when you turn it, you almost fell the other day – oh no, please don’t tell anyone, you literally cannot recall words or names with any degree of reliability so you worry about the dreaded D word. And worst of all, how long will I be able to care for myself?

Do you know there are tens of thousands of books written about anxiety? I checked with good ole AI and that genius says, “The US Library of Congress database alone contains over 30,000 titles filed under anxiety, stress, and panic.” And that’s just the US. Anxiety seems to be a real buzz word now days. When we were little, it was just plain ole scared.

So how does one live a life with only a modicum of anxiety and an abundance of equanimity? Honestly, I’m not sure, but it is something I am working on. No matter your age, life is always a work in progress. It’s good to be a seeker of the good things, the helpful things, things that make your heart sing, things that lift you up.

Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how I’m coming along on this quest for equanimity in this simple little life of mine.